Articles by Debra -Archives
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Are You Living Your Life on Purpose?
Moving Away From the Familiar
Are you working against yourself?
Change Your Relationship with Money
Do You Date Like a Politician?
Creating Your Year
Making Your Resolution Today
Letting Go
Here Comes the Judge
What Stops You From Being Your Best?
Embracing Uncertainty
Why is it hard to change?
Beyond The Secret
Who Are You...Really?
Adjusting Your Focus
Peace in the Midst of an Unpeaceful World
Creating the Mind of a Non-Smoker
What is Your Story?
What Are You Afraid Of?
Weight Loss Woes: Is it Men, Menopause or Just Mental?
What About Now?
How Do I Find Love?
Creating the Body You Love
Finding Joy and Peace in the Holiday Season
The Law of Attraction: Adjusting Your Internal Magnet
Are you Living Your Life on Purpose?
Sometimes we get so caught up in the everyday tasks that we seem to have forgotten our purpose. Our mind thinks about the next meal, the next bill to pay or the next meeting we have to attend and we get lost in the details of life. When we let ourselves run on autopilot, we give permission to our subconscious mind to just recreate the same scenarios over and over again. At this point, we wonder why we keep feeling unsatisfied. To break the cycle, it is important to stop and make sure we are living our life on purpose.
What is your purpose? For some it is just making other people feel better in their presence and others may feel they have to accomplish something great to make their life worth something. There is no wrong or right purpose, it is uniquely your own to create. The important aspect of your purpose is not the external results, but your internal experience. Regardless of what you are doing out there, your mind needs to be in alignment with the present moment or you are just living life by default.
If you allow your experience to become an endless progression of patterns and habits, you miss out on the beauty and wonder of the precious gift of life. So, instead of accidentally creating your life, stop and become aware of your purpose. Is it to be at peace, to share love or inner discovery? Whatever it is, life becomes more full when you bring your attention to the here and now.
An easy way to access the present moment is to stop and pay attention to your breath. Just five minutes a day, even while you are driving, can make all the difference in grounding you in a complete experience of living. Don’t wait until your last breath to pay attention to your breathing, start today and life will become more rich and fulfilling even with the most mundane tasks.
Moving Away from the Familiar
By Debra Berndt, CHt
Have you ever noticed how uncomfortable you feel when you do something for the first time? Remember your first day at school, the first time you rode a bike or even your first day at a new job? Change can be scary and that is why people avoid it so much. The reason you tend to cling to the familiar because it gives you a sense of security.
It isn’t your fault. This is just the way your subconscious mind works. It resists change because your inner mind has a plan set for everything that is familiar. When you move out of your comfort zone, it sends alarms to bring you back to your old way of being. That is why it is so hard to lose weight, stop smoking, change careers, or leave someone who is not good for you, even when you consciously know it would be better. Your subconscious is not logical and attempt to return to the status quo because that is what it is designed to do. It is easy to just allow your inner mind to control your life. To overcome the urges and move away from the familiar can be a challenge.
When you move out of the familiar, tension builds in your body. If you give into fear and retreat, the subconscious has won again. You slip back into autopilot, but you still wish there was a way out of the trap you put yourself in. It isn’t that your subconscious is evil, this part of your mind simply repeats what you previously programmed it to do. Unfortunately, many of those programs were created when you were younger than ten and the logic for them is no longer valid. The biggest mistake that most people make is to perceive the tension as a bad thing and wanting to run away from it.
To move through change with grace, the uncomfortable feelings can be reframed in your mind as positive. When life starts to feel awkward and scary, it just means you are moving beyond the box that you made for yourself. The more at peace you can be with those awkward moments, the stronger you become and less affected by change. Ultimately, you will feel a sense of personal power increase and the willingness to tackle any obstacle.
Your sense of peace is not determined by external circumstances but how you feel about what is happening to you. Nervousness before a first date can be transformed into excitement of meeting someone new. The discomfort the first few days after quitting smoking can be interpreted as you finally resisting the need to soothe yourself with poison. The more you expand into new experiences, the easier it becomes to be invincible in anything in life.
The next time you start to feel uncomfortable, remember to smile and pat yourself on the back for your bravery. You can channel the feeling of fear into excitement, just like you have before going on a big rollercoaster. After all, isn’t life supposed to be a wonderful ride?
Are you working against yourself?
By Debra Berndt, CHt
A frequent complaint I hear from my clients is that the things they have been focusing on have not manifested yet. They are doing all the “right” things, believing in themselves, changing their attitude and listening to their self-hypnosis. Even though their thought process has changed dramatically and they feel better on the inside, their true love has still not arrived, the weight hasn’t come off or the big check has not arrived in the mail. What could be the problem?
There are many books, movies and articles on the law of attraction but that is only one law of the universe – not THE law. The “experts” want you to believe that it will come easy but they frequently leave out another important law – the law of reverse effect. This law states that the harder you try, the more the object of your desire moves away from you. The source that activates this law is doubt and fear.
When you feel desperate for something to show up in your life, you unconsciously block it from you. This frantic grasping sends a powerful belief to your inner mind that you will never have it. As you continue to think you will never have it and that is exactly what you experience. By worrying about your current situation, you actually reinforce it. Most people try to think positive, design their dream board and visualize their success, but underneath it all is a grave fear of not getting what they want.
Here are some simple ways to make sure you are not caught up in the law of reverse effect:
1. Hold the feeling as if you already have your desire (the inner mind does not know the difference with what you are seeing in your mind or out in the world).
2. Ask yourself why you want it. What you will gain if you have what you desire – is it security, happiness, confidence? Then find something you already have that gives you that feeling so you don’t have to wait for something in the future to bring it to you.
3. Gratitude. You have heard this before, but this is a critical step to attracting more of what you want into your life.
4. Trust. Be open to how and when your desire arrives. Know that there is a divine intelligence inside that knows exactly what you need for your highest good.
5. Don’t look at current circumstances as static. Everything in the universe is constantly growing and changing, just because you haven’t manifested what you want in this moment does not mean it is swiftly on its way to you right now.
Remember that the universe is more willing to give you want you want, than you are to receive it. We are all connected and your desires must be in alignment with the good of all. Let go and believe that your life is unfolding exactly as it should
Change Your Relationship with Money
By Debra Berndt, CHt
The amount of money that flows into your life is directly related to your inner relationship with the dollar bill. Since childhood, we have been programmed to believe certain things about money. Money is the root of all evil, blessed are the poor, rich people are jerks, and so on. These old ideas are deeply embedded in your subconscious mind and determine whether you attract or repel wealth.
Most people do not realize that there is a difference between the conscious and subconscious mind. The conscious mind is your present moment awareness including your five senses and your will. This is a very small part of your awareness (how often are you in the present moment?). The conscious mind is the logical and analytical part of your thinking. Below the conscious is the subconscious which is the pattern of thought you bring from the past. The subconscious maintains all of your old beliefs about money. Many people have personal beliefs of their self-worth, confidence or intelligence that gets in the way of attracting riches. You may be lucky enough to win the lottery or get a great bonus, but you have a good chance of ending up broke again if you do not believe that you deserve wealth.
In order to increase your cash flow, you need to change your relationship with money on the subconscious level. Between your conscious and subconscious is the critical mind. It acts as a veil or filter to only allow thoughts into your subconscious that match the thoughts that are already there. If the idea such as “money flows to me easily” doesn’t agree with your inner mind, the critical mind rejects it. That is why most affirmations don’t work because they just remain on the surface and rarely affect the subconscious.
If you want money and success and it is not showing up in your life, there is probably a subconscious belief that is blocking you from receiving it. For example, if you want riches and you consistently seem to struggle in business or have “bad luck” with money, you may have deep beliefs about money that are not in alignment with success. It is important to understand that the subconscious isn’t logical but has an amazing power over your life. Everyone and everything in your world is a mirror of your subconscious belief system.
The way you can change subconscious ideas is first to identify your limiting beliefs and then reverse them to positive statements. Get a piece of paper and write down all of your beliefs about money. You will be amazed at how many ideas are affecting your current financial situation. Make sure you reverse all of those ideas on a separate piece of paper and throw the old paper away.
After you have identified the beliefs that block you from money, the best way to change the subconscious is through visualization or self-hypnosis. A light relaxation allows new ideas to bypass your critical thinking and “sink in” to the subconscious. Be patient, it takes about 30-90 days of continuous programming to make a permanent shift in your belief system. By changing your deep beliefs and shifting the habits of thinking to endless possibilities and abundance, you can attract unlimited amounts of wealth. Regardless of economic conditions, there are plenty of opportunities for bringing more money into your life and the only lack is what you allow yourself to belief in.
To make this process easier, check out my Creating Wealth Set which includes a workbook with exercises to uncover your current money programming and eight (8) CDs to help you recreate your relationship with money to attract tons of wealth. Visit hypnodeb.com for more information and upcoming “Creative Mind of Wealth” teleseminars.
(c) Copyright 2003-2008. All Rights Reserved. Deb B Productions, LLC
Do You Date Like a Politician?
By Debra Berndt, CHt
As I watched the debates over the last few weeks, I kept wondering, “Who is telling the truth?” Politicians create their persona and tout their opinions on issues based on what image is going to give them the most votes. The same with dating, most men and women go out on dates with the guise that will provide the best opportunity to get a nod from the object of their affection. Have you ever dated someone who seemed so nice in the beginning and then became a jerk after you slept with him? How about someone who filled your head with empty promises and soon after she “got you” decided she wasn’t ready for commitment? Sounds like the candidates who pledge they will make changes but nothing happens after they get into office. They played a role just to get you to like them. Have you ever done that when dating? Most people do and say what they think will make them more likable whether it is in the area of dating, getting a job, or dealing with family members. The problem is that we are assuming we know what other people really want!
In my early days of dating, I used to pretend I was cool, together and didn’t want a relationship because I thought that seemed more appealing to men. The nice guys stayed away and the womanizers drew to me like a magnet. It wasn’t until I was true to myself that I attracted the love of my life. I remember clearly that I was so fed up with trying to be someone else and just laid it on the line. By stating my genunine intentions and admitting that I wanted marriage and a serious relationship, I easily found suitors that matched the message that I was sending.
Many people ask me to explain the best way to write an ad for the online dating sites and I simply answer, be authentic. If you are trying to get someone to like you through false pretenses, he or she will be able to feel it. Or, you may temporarily capture their attention, but eventually your true colors will emerge and the person may or may not want to stay when they discover the truth. I find it funny that some ads will seem as though the person is being sincere, but he is really just using his fake authenticity as another tactic to attract more responses…just like a politician.
So if you are out to get a lot of “votes” like a politician, you may get more dates but lower your chances of finding a true match. You only need one person (at a time), so why not focus your target on what you really want. Being clear on the type of person you desire and simultaneously being sincere will surely expedite that love to arrive in your life. Our subconscious is filled with pre-programmed acts that we follow in accordance to how we were trained by the world. To find your true self, you need to let go of those old behaviors and false beliefs that led you to your current single situation and try something knew. The main reason that people pretend is insecurity, they really do not believe that people would really like their real selves.
Changing your subconscious beliefs of unworthiness and self-doubt through self-hypnosis can easily increase your confidence level. You need to genuinely like yourself for someone else to want to be with you. Deep inside there is a knowing of your true self, but you may have been just too afraid to look. As you search for the truth you will find that you are wonderful, amazing and lovable. There is nothing to change except your self-acceptance. As you embrace yourself, you can draw the curtains and show the world who you really are. Your love is waiting to meet the real you .
Creating Your Year
Instead of living another year on autopilot, what if your New Year’s Resolution was to consciously create each day as you go through the year. Unfortunately, we often fall into the same traps and habits no matter how much we vow to make changes in our life. The reason for our struggles is that are subconscious was designed to do most things out of routine and fights to keep us in the status quo. The easiest way to make amazing leaps in reaching your dreams this year is to put yourself on manual drive.
According the Wallace Wattles, the author of The Science of Getting Rich, you only need to use your will toward yourself. Being in charge of your thinking and using your will to think the thoughts that support your goals is all that you need to do each day. Most people get busy, going outside of themselves to make things happen, which only leads to being exhausted, frustrated and feeling powerless. If you focus inwardly on success with unwavering faith, knowing that everything you desire will be brought to you, you can let go of the when and how it happens. If you release the tension your dreams will arrive much sooner in amazing ways.
As you bring conscious creativity into your daily life, the more you can be in control of your destiny. To do this, you can start by spending 10-15 minutes of quiet contemplation each day visualizing your big dream and what you will do that day to support it. Be sure to hold the feeling of having already accomplished your goal such as being at your goal weight, finding your soul mate, attracting wealth into your new business, or even just living balanced and stress-free. If you have a difficult time focusing in meditation, you can try one of my self-hypnosis programs to guide you through the process.
Another great technique is to be more present in every action and get out of your daily routines. Constantly do something different and out of the ordinary like driving a different route to work, trying new foods, a new workout, joining a dating service, or striking up a conversation with someone at the office that you do not know very well. If you unconsciously choose to stay on the same path, you will get what you have always gotten! By mixing it up a bit, the part of your mind that resists change will become more fluid and receptive to new things and attract greater opportunities.
Ultimately as you escape your old patterns and create a new way of thinking and doing, your life will unfold to your desires. Be sure to have gratitude for what you already have and the new blessings that show up every day. Keep focusing your will inward, directing your mind toward attaining your big goals. Create a new habit of visualizing in meditation every single day. You’ll find that each day you will get one step closer to your vision. Before you know it, 2008 will be over and you will be amazed at the results you consciously created.
If you would like to learn more about Wattles' philosophy, get the Creative Mind Method Program: Creating Wealth produced by Debra Berndt and E.Roberto Maldonado, MA. You can listen to it in the car!
Making Your Resolution Today
by Debra Berndt, CHt
Why do you have to wait until January 1st to make a commitment for change? I heard a speaker recently who mentioned that there is a lovely island out in the middle of the ocean that holds all of your dreams. He said it’s called “someday isle.” Some day I’ll lose those extra fifteen pounds, some day I’ll quit smoking, and some day I’ll stop dating jerks and find a real love. Unfortunately, someday isle does not exist because it is always some time in the future.
People use New Year’s resolutions to give them an excuse to pig out over the holidays, overindulge on credit cards and sleep in late instead of hitting the gym. When you do this, you are only reinforcing the unhealthy behaviors and it becomes even harder to change it when you wake up with your gluttonous hangover on New Year’s Day. You start beating yourself up for your actions and dreaming again of someday isle, but you never seem to get there.
Research states that most people abandon their New Years’ resolutions by January 31. The reason people give up so quickly is because they know that the trip to someday isle takes some work. They focus on the end result instead of the journey, and someday isle is so much more exotic than it turns out to be in reality. They do not lose weight fast enough or realize that giving up that cigarette is more painful than the poison that floods into their bodies. If you live thinking that some day things will be different, even when they do get better, there will always be more to want or need. Sadly, the reason people overeat, smoke and destroy their bodies is because they are looking for something to make them feel good. The short-term benefit always wins.
So what if you stopped waiting for something to happen out there and just started with feeling better inside right now? You can feel good about taking care of your body every day without worrying about when you see the results. Have gratitude for the meal you are about to eat instead of calculating the calories, and enjoy making your mortgage payment because you feel fortunate that you can afford to own a home. Instead of focusing on how bad things are and reaching for a drink or a smoke for comfort, reach out to someone in your life that needs a hug. You’ll discover that you have everything you have right now to make you happy if you open up to it.
The results you see in your life are just feedback, reflecting the quality of your past thoughts. You can start thinking differently today that will change your outlook and the things that you attract in your life. Focusing daily on gratitude can help flood the mind with supportive thoughts, allow you to enjoy the life you have now and steer your mind to create more of what you are grateful for regardless of external situations. You do not have to wait to feel good!
So, on January 1st instead of planning a trip to someday isle, why not stay here and enjoy the ride of your life? It isn’t bad to have goals, but they work against you when they drag you down because you haven’t reached them yet. If you give yourself a break and be grateful for everything you have now, the reasons for overindulging go away. Ultimately, you will lose those fifteen pounds, quit smoking and attract the life of your dreams because you finally let go. Make every day a vacation on your dream isle and you will never need anything else to be fulfilled.
Letting Go
By Debra Berndt, CHt
Whether you are searching for the love of your life, on a mission to lose weight, or just trying to get your business off the ground, there may be a time when things are not moving forward. When feeling stuck, you may start to give attention to what is not happening and what is wrong. Focusing on your current state of affairs only creates more of the same experience. This behavior is counterproductive and only keeps you immobilized in the status quo. The subconscious desire increases to grasping and feelings of desperation and the last thing you may want to do is surrender to the situation and let go.
I remember when I was single and wanted to meet someone special. I was obsessed with improving myself, devouring every self-help book on relationships and throwing myself in any workshop I could find. This behavior led me to being very hard on myself when a relationship failed or was heartbroken by yet another womanizer. I felt like I should have known better after all the personal growth work I’ve done. I never gave myself a break, and the last thing I wanted to do was to give up and surrender to being single the rest of my life. My thoughts were saturated each day with my unhappy single status and nothing seemed to change.
The more I held on to the pressure of meeting Mr. Right, the more anxious I got. I was trying too hard. The same thing happened when I was building my business. The more I focused on the lack of new clients coming in the door, the less my phone rang. I struggled with my weight in my 20’s until I got distracted with my busy corporate job and the weight came right off. The times that I chose to surrender and let go were the times when everything automatically shifted in the direction that I desired.
A person I know works for a famous author. She told me that he was in a meeting describing to his staff the idea of letting go and allowing. He said to accept everything in your life as if it weren’t going to change and find peace in the here and now. As he was explaining this concept, his secretary came to interrupt the meeting and tell him that Oprah’s assistant was on the phone. He had recently been struggling with increasing his business and wealth and finally came to terms that if nothing changed in his life, he would still be fine. He loved everything he had in that moment, let go and then he was able to receive more.
In the dating world, when you let go and relax you become more attractive. Imagine if everything you wanted in your life was attracted to you when you just relaxed? Sounds too easy, but sometimes the simplest approach is the most powerful one. That is why your business has its ups and downs. The high times compound upon each other to create more abundance. When a doubt enters your mind things may come crashing down again. You pick yourself up and eventually the flow begins to return. There are natural ebbs and flows of life, but most of the bell curves are directed by your state of mind.
Being in gratitude, accepting the gifts that you have in your life right now helps you to stay in the moment and let go. Practicing this daily will not only lift your spirits but you become an abundance magnet. Whether you want the love of your life, to lose weight or increase your business, stand on the edge of unlimited possibility and just let go. Instead of trying to reach out and grasp for things in desperation, relax and allow the goodness to flow to you.
If you need help letting go of the stress in your life, check out my new Feel Good – Release Anxiety self-hypnosis program on CD or get the mp3 download. It is a 20-minute deep relaxation that helps you let go of all tension in your mind and body, leaving you feeling extremely peaceful and very attractive.
Here Comes the Judge
By Debra Berndt, CHt
This is a story I’ve heard many times. It is a good reminder of how to be judge-free of life’s events. A young farmer and his wife gave birth to a son in a small village. The villagers around him proclaimed, “What good luck! You have a son to help you in the fields.” The farmer replied, “It could be good or it could be bad.” About 15 years later, one of his horses ran away. The villagers shared their sympathy, “Oh what bad luck! Your horse ran away, now you do not have a strong horse to help you with your work on the farm.” The farmer replied, “It could be good or it could be bad.” The farmer went on and managed without his horse until one day the horse returned with five other wild horses. “What good luck! Now you have six horses!” the villagers exclaimed. The farmer again gave his reply, “It could be good or it could be bad.” The farmer’s son broke his leg as he helped to tame the wild horses. The villagers once again gave their opinion, “What bad luck! Now your son cannot help you.” The farmer replied with a smile, “It could be good or it could be bad.” Later that month, a war broke out and the soldiers went from home to home collecting young men to join their effort. Since the farmer’s son was injured, he could not go. The villagers again said to the farmer, “What good luck! Your son is safe and does not have to risk his life at war.” The farmer simply replied, “It could be good or it could be bad."
Throughout life, our minds attempt to measure up what is occurring around us. But, these judgments are limited by only our past experiences. At any time, we cannot predict what the future holds. Sometimes the so-called “bad luck” we experience turns out to be a wonderful turn of events. We just never know.
A great example of this is in my dating experience. Being single for many years, I encountered many disappointments. However, it was how I labeled the situation that determined my state of mind. If I immediately viewed the situation as the helpless victim and no one loved me, I would get depressed and feel terrible. I felt empowered when I realized that I had a choice as to whether I wanted to have a pity party or if I just said “next!” I am not condoning ignoring real pain, but be sure to identify that the cause of the upset lies within our own perception. As my self-esteem improved, it was easier to believe that I deserved a mutual, loving relationship. I got to the point when I let go of those who did not feel the same way because I knew it wasn’t the relationship for me. I still got rejected from time to time, but the sting wasn’t there when I stopped taking it personally. Thank goodness that the others did not work out, because I ultimately attracted the relationship I really wanted. What good luck!
We do not have control over the choices others make or the some of the events that occur in our lives, but we do have the ability choose how we react to them. Interestingly enough, the more we react in a peaceful way, the less those upsetting situations seem to happen to us.
Get into a habit of looking at everything as if you chose it for your highest good. What freedom to not have to worry about controlling everything out there when you can just go inside and create the world you want to experience.
What stops you from being your best?
By Debra Berndt, CHt
Everyone has unlimited potential, but they seem to hold themselves back from their greatness. They get distracted, talk themselves out of their dreams as if they were unattainable anyway and ultimately feel unsatisfied. It is a tragic cycle of dreaming, getting disappointed and giving up. Most of the time, people stay stuck in the giving up and resort to complaining about their life, their body or their romantic situation instead of doing anything to change it. So, what stops you from being your best?
The subconscious likes to keep consistent patterns and resists change because it is afraid of the unknown. That is why people avoid starting new things because they are scary. Ancient survival instincts kick in, and the mind chatter finds a way to talk you out of anything different than the status quo. Certain people may have also been conditioned against change if they needed to keep a sense of order and predictability to survive in an abusive household. Some have had devastating failures that keep them from trying again. Everyone has something that holds them back whether it is fear of change or failure. They key is to find out what stops you, so you can overcome the barriers and create the life you truly desire.
First, think of a time when you had a big dream and gave up. Journal about the conditions of that place in your life, and describe how you felt about it. What story were you telling yourself about why you should stop pursuing the dream? Was it because you did not feel qualified (not good enough), or because you felt that there was a lack of support either financially or emotionally from those around you? Now looking back, review the idea and ask yourself if you absolutely believed that was true or was it just a story you told yourself.
People make up stories and rationalize about why they can’t lose weight, find a man or be successful because they have an unconscious desire to stay in their comfort zone. Let’s face it, a little work is required to accomplish anything extraordinary. The reason most people do not succeed is because they are too lazy to be pushed out, stretched and tested to gain something more in life. In order to put ourselves in a position of being “uncomfortable,” we need a good reason, or to become so uncomfortable in our current environment to push ourselves to make a change.
Now think of your big dream. Does it make you feel excited or scared? Could you live your life knowing that you never reached that dream? What stops you from taking action? Write down a list of all the justifications and reasons why you have not taken the steps required to pursue your goal. Then, write down all the reasons you should pursue the dream. To get motivated, your reasons to move forward must be stronger than the rationale to stay put. Self-hypnosis is also a great way to reprogram the subconscious mind to support the positive reasons for change.
Wallace Wattles, the author of “The Science of Getting Rich” (the book that Rhonda Byrne read to inspire her to do the movie, The Secret), says you are either thinking with your limited mind or the creative mind. Each time you give up and say it can’t be done, you are operating with your limited mind. When you open your mind up to all possibilities, you start using the creative mind. The creative mind is where miracles happen.
Here’s how to start that process. Look at your list of reasons that you cannot reach your goal again. Analyze it very carefully and come up with creative ideas that can override those excuses. For example, if one of your justifications is that you do not have the money, think of all the creative ways that you can attract the money you need (even if you think they are impossible). Just writing down how you can overcome those obstacles can attract new opportunities to you according to the law of attraction. This process helps you state intentions to what you want to draw into your life and you will be amazed at how easily things manifest for you.
Do not look at your life only through your current circumstances. Be open to the unseen forces that are working to bring you new resources. The reason most people give up is because they only notice what is, instead of what could be. If everyone thought that way, we would never have learned how to walk, discover a new world or get to the moon. The only thing that is stopping you from being your greatest self is you.
Embracing Uncertainty
By Debra Berndt, CHt
It is springtime in the Rockies. One day we are enjoying the warmth of Spring, and then a snowstorm hits the following afternoon. In Colorado, we never really know when it is time to put those parkas away. We get used to the dips and peaks of the thermometer, and the weather does not typically affect our daily routine. Wouldn’t it be nice to look at the ups and downs in our life the same way Coloradoans look at the weather? What if we could be comfortable with uncertainty?
For the most part, humans do not like surprises. Sure, they can be wonderful when they come in the form of a birthday party, a last-minute getaway, a proposal, or a visit from an old friend. The surprises that most of us dread are those unexpected bills, a last-minute mandate from the boss on a Friday afternoon, or the car breaking down. Worse yet, they can come in the form of someone leaving or even dying. Usually when unpleasant things happen, we are forced to face the impermanence of life. No matter what we do to prevent the “bad” stuff from happening, it cannot be avoided.
To keep from noticing the changes occurring all around them, people hold on to their possessions, their relationships or their title at work as some semblance of solid ground. Looking for something permanent to grasp onto as time flows by can leave many people feeling lost and alone and scared. Survival instincts kick in and they search for a sense of security somewhere out in the world. Most do not want to face the inevitability of change.
No matter how much we resist, life never stops moving. We are aging from the moment we are born. Moments quickly move past us and become memories before we stop to enjoy them. Although we try to ignore this, deep inside we know the truth – everything is temporary. Seasons change, jobs end, relationships breakup, and people get sick and die. The realities of life are hard to look at, but we would have more inner peace if we could allow ourselves to accept the ebb and flow instead of deny it.
Imagine looking at anything that comes your way as welcomed. Yes, even the dreadful things you do not want to face can be allowed to be experienced with ease. It is your resistance to change that causes the pain in your life, not the actual event. Sadness, sickness, joy and pleasures are all just a string of moments tied together to create your life. When you start labeling each moment as good or bad, you grasp at the pleasure and resist the pain. You can then get stuck in a cycle of what you resist persists. The pain lingers more and the pleasure seems to slip by us all too quickly – you get the reverse effect.
Allow me to share a personal story. A few years ago, I broke an engagement, had to sell the condo we lived in, and got laid off from my job all in the same month. Most of the “important things” that make people feel safe were stripped away from me. The only thing I had left was the moment and my spirit. I began to rebuild my life again from the bottom up. Over the next year, I left the corporate world forever with little savings and no one to support me financially. I moved to New Mexico where I received my hypnotherapy certification. I started my own business back in Denver and moved into a basement apartment to cut back on expenses. It was a scary time for me. I also did a lot of personal work to heal past wounds so that I could attract a loving relationship. I did not know how things would work out, but felt I had nothing more to lose. An amazing sense of strength in adversity was present in me that I never knew I had.
Six years later, I now have a completely different life. I am blessed with a wonderful, loving relationship, a successful practice doing what I love and a great lifestyle. I realized that I may have not been able to make the changes I did without something dramatic because I was too comfortable in my previous mediocre life. After losing what I thought was “everything” back then, I now no longer fear any loss. I accept the challenges life brings as an opportunity to stretch myself even further. I find it interesting that my trials always seem to surface when I start to get “comfortable” again.
The next time an unexpected event occurs in your life, welcome it with open arms. This may take practice, so you may want to start with something small like an unexpected bill. Imagine just being peaceful in the moment with the unplanned expense and surrendering to the situation. You will find that the money to pay the bill will show up and your anxious thoughts of being in the poor house was simply an exaggeration. Cherish every moment regardless of your external circumstances, and trust in the ever-flowing abundance that is always around you.
Allow changes to come and go as your become open to life’s ups and downs. You cannot change the flow, but you can experience it anyway you decide. Invite uncertainty, embrace change and never have another dull moment for the rest of your life.
By Debra Berndt, CHt
Most people who come to me for hypnotherapy have had enough of their specific issue and they are ready for a new approach. After years of trying various prescription drugs, talk therapy and other alternative remedies they still seem to have a difficult time changing their behavior. With hypnotherapy, a simple shift in the subconscious can do the trick, and I send them happily on their way. Unfortunately, there are times when nothing seems to work for them. Some people block results because they get a benefit from remaining in the status quo. This benefit is mostly unconscious, hidden deep inside working against them.
Below are some of the hidden blocks that could delay or prevent success in any type of therapy. Since the subconscious mind is not logical, the conscious mind has a hard time discovering the culprit that is holding them back.
1. Conditioning and Habit – Humans are creatures of habit and resist change. Most people do not like to leave their comfort zone, even if the zone is filled will despair or sickness. Since we do not know the future, the mind makes predictions based on the past. If we did not have money, the relationship, the health or the body before, the mind has a hard time projecting something different into the future. We are scared of the unknown. The mind simply takes a copy of yesterday and inserts it into today. We get locked into a certain way of being that is hard to change. This subtle benefit of avoiding the challenge of change can be quite powerful in keeping us from our dreams.
2. Being the Victim - Some people are very comfortable in the “victim” role and love to complain to their family and friends about their life. If circumstances improved, they would lose the benefit of getting attention for their dramatic tales. Sadly, there are some people who get a thrill out of sharing their life drama around the water cooler at work. Why do you think the reality shows are so popular? It is easy to wallow in a bad situation and blame the world. To look inside honestly and accept the responsibility for your life takes true courage.
3. Preparation and Readiness – Some think they are ready to change but have not cleared the way completely for the transition to occur in their life. I find that most people who have done some previous forms of therapy easily shift behavior because they have done most of the foundation work. Some have more processing to do and the results may come slower. Building a firm foundation is critical for long-term success in any life change. By giving up too soon, they get the benefit of avoiding all the inner-work required to reach their goals. They are really not ready to roll up their sleeves and look under the hood of their subconscious.
4. Resentment of the Past – Although life is filled with ups and downs, some people tend to hang on to the past mistakes of others (parents, ex-spouses, or friendships) that keep them stuck in the past. The lack of forgiveness holds them hostage to the pain the person caused them. Forgiveness isn’t about letting someone “off the hook,” but it is letting go of the pain they are feeling toward that situation. As people hold on to hate, anger and resentment, they are sending out that feeling into the world to attract more of it to them. Being stuck in the past prevents them from having a wonderful, happy abundant life. They get a benefit from the suffering because they feel it proves that the other person ruined their life. I hear people tell me that they want the other person to suffer for what they had done. Unfortunately, the one who is in the most despair is the person holding the resentment.
5. The Love of Therapy – You may think this is funny or odd, but some people love to be in therapy. The benefit they get from holding on to their problems so they can continue to see their therapist or talk about themselves. Some people are really lonely and find their therapist is their only ally in the world. Getting better would mean no need for therapy and sometimes that is enough to keep them from completely reaching their goals.
There are other specific benefits that people get from avoiding change. Some payoffs that I uncovered in sessions shocked me and my clients! Once discovered and brought to conscious awareness, it is easier to start shifting in a new direction. The goal of hypnotherapy is to find and release those blocks so the path can be cleared for a new future. The depth of trance or technique used has little impact on the results. Even though hypnosis can seem magical, results are directly related to how ready the person is for a new experience. Not even the greatest hypnotist in the world can take away someone’s pain. The person has to be willing to let it go.
Beyond The Secret
By Debra Berndt, CHt
Have you seen The Secret and wondered how you can apply it in your life? For those of you who haven’t heard of it or seen it on Oprah, The Secret is a movie that is only available online that featured many teachers explaining the law of attraction. Your thoughts create the world you live in. This is an idea familiar to anyone who has experienced hypnotherapy.
We are constantly creating our life with each thought we hold in our minds. If we are feeling good, it seems that we often experience wonderful things. When we are feeling down, we seem to attract more “bad luck.” We think things are happening to us when, in fact, we are creating all of it. Our thoughts are like magnets attracting to us what we think about. Think positive and positive things happen, right? Sounds easy, doesn’t it?
There is an important element that was not fully discussed in the movie – the subconscious mind. Sure, you can consciously want a million dollars, create a vision board and visualize it happening. You can even go out and start creating opportunities to attract the money. Then…something happens and your financial situation becomes worse. You are doing every thing right on the conscious level, but if you do not change the subconscious, you are still operating under the law of attraction and the subconscious may be still programmed to attract lack instead of abundance.
The law of attraction only becomes easy when your desired thinking becomes a habit. Most of our thoughts are the same every day and their source is your subconscious mind. When you start to apply the methods described in The Secret, you may feel like you are doing it wrong or that it does not work. Sometimes you get “stuck” in negativity and wonder how you can ever turn things around. Beating yourself up for not being “good” and fearing that you will attract the wrong thing is not the right way to do this process.
How do you change it? The easiest and most effective way to make change in your quality of your thoughts is through self-hypnosis. The trance state gives you a direct line to your subconscious database so that you can adjust and amend the programming to match your will. Continuous daily practice of listening to self-hypnosis programs for 30-90 days, can create a permanent shift in your subconscious belief system. Like training wheels for the mind, self-hypnosis gets your mind on the “right track” so you can create a new habit of thinking in line with your desires.
Here are some other tips that can help you use the law of attraction to your full benefit:
1. Be clear about what you want and consistent with your actions, speech and thoughts. Sometimes you hear your friends tell you that they want to lose weight and, at the same time, they still eat poorly and wonder why they are still fat! If you want a loving relationship, do not waste your time on people that are not capable of giving you the love you deserve. When you speak what you want, you need to take action or the mind gets a mixed signal as to what you want to create. Watch your speech. If you want more money, but complain how poor you are all the time you are also sending out the wrong message.
2. Release blocks. Sometimes there are blocks in the subconscious that need to be addressed such as inconsistent wills. The will to be rich and the will to be a “good person” conflict if the person has a deep subconscious belief that rich people are bad. Most of the ideas and beliefs in our subconscious have been programmed before we were 10 years old, so many of them are not in our conscious awareness. Many blocks to success come from feeling unworthy or not good enough. You must remove the blocks on the subconscious level before you can experience your true desires. The best way to do this is through hypnotherapy.
3. Visualize your goal as if the result you desire is happening right now and engage the feeling. You must convince your mind that the goal has been reached. If you experience the goal in your mind, you see your dreams unfold out into reality.
4. Practice gratitude daily for what you have right now. By engaging the feeling of gratitude, you will attract more good into your life. Get into the habit of feeling good by being thankful for what have already manifested. You get more of what you are thinking and feeling, so think and feel about what you want more of!
5. Let go and allow. The most important step is about letting go of the attachment to the outcome. When you set a goal, everything unlike it will show up to test you. In the world of opposites, good and bad, we tend to judge each event. Trusting that each event (whether you label it good or bad) is all a part of the journey to your desires. Doubt creates resistance to the flow. Even the most painful events and hurtful people can hold great gifts if you really look deep into them. Acknowledging that everything is in divine order and letting the process unfold naturally is crucial to your success. You may ask for one thing and something even better shows up. Let go and allow the process to work through you.
There are so many levels to the creation process, and I just touched on a few key points to get you started. Have fun with this and stretch your imagination as to what you want to create in your life. If you haven’t seen The Secret, you can go to www.TheSecret.tv to purchase your copy or view it online. I also created two special CD programs to help those who want to apply the law of attraction, Manifest Anything! and Daily Gratitude Exercise. You can purchase those programs at hypnodeb.com. They are also available for download so you can start using them today.
Happy Creating!
Who are you...really?
By Debra Berndt, CHt
As Halloween approaches, funny costumes come to mind. Halloween always seems to bring out the wilder, crazy side of people. They feel free to express themselves during this season because their costume is their shield of armor. Why do people need permission to relax and have fun?
Whether we are being silly or sinister, we are still the same person inside. Just like in life, we hide behind a mask as if protecting our vulnerable, insecure self from being exposed. Our main motivation to keep on our masks is the fear that people won’t like us. Not fully believing in ourselves, we think that would reject us or mock us if they really knew us. We are so vigilant about not letting our real self known that our “fake” character is the one that the world sees and judges. The silliest thing of all is that we take it personally when someone doesn’t like our mask!
In my early twenties, I used to pretend that I did not want a relationship. I put on the façade of a carefree, social butterfly. When people got to know me they told me that they couldn’t believe I was actually looking for a boyfriend. I was afraid to show that “nice family girl” because I thought the guys wouldn’t be interested in me. Of course, I only attracted the bad boys who were looking for fun. If I would have only expressed my real self, I would have probably had a different experience in dating.
I see people wear their masks in all areas of their life, both personal and professional. When someone hurts us, we sometimes put on the “nothing bothers me” mask because we are afraid of speaking up. Some put on the “I am mean” mask as a defense mechanism to compensate for their false belief that they are weak and powerless. I have known men who put on the Cassanova mask when deep inside they fear true intimacy. The patterns of the masks were created by us at a very young age to cope with life. The subconscious repeats these behaviors automatically unless we consciously change them.
To step out behind the mask and be willing to be vulnerable is a very scary thing. It may feel like there is an invisible wall that holds you back. That wall is fear. When faced with a situation that you would normally retreat, put away your mask and take a risk. Learning to step out and expressing your true feelings without trying to get a certain reaction or outcome is a freeing experience. Constantly being chained by what other people think or do is very restricting and gives away your power. How the other person reacts is their business and has nothing to do with you. This process helps build your self-esteem and reclaims your power.
The mask is like an old friend that you relied upon all of your life. It may feel a little strange to venture out in the world without it. You can take small steps in expressing your true self, and eventually it will become very natural for you. As you take off your mask, you can give others in your life permission to take off theirs.
Adjusting Your Focus
By Debra Berndt, CHt
The crisp air in autumn reminds me of beginning my career at MTV Networks in my 20’s, my move to Colorado in my 30’s, and starting hypnotherapy school in my 40’s. Each time I began something new, I had to say goodbye to my old way of being. Change can be scary, but it is a certainty. Nothing ever stays the same, but the new can bring wonderful gifts if we are open to receive them.
The leaves are changing and falling from the trees. As we see the old fall away, we tend to focus on the loss. Kids grow up, friends move away, someone dies, relationships end and people get sick. During life’s transitions we may forget that we are in control of our experience. We can choose to look at any situation the way we want to see it. Our natural reaction is to keep focusing on the past and what we do not want. Whatever we focus on starts to expand, and then we see more of what we do not want in our lives. Like a chain reaction, the bad gets worse.
There is a time of mourning in some situations that are beneficial and appropriate. However, we all know some people who seem to stay stuck in the “poor me” role and become addicted to the pain. They do not know who they would be without their “tragic tale.” They actually get a benefit from remaining the victim. They receive extra attention, have an excuse not to work so hard, or ignore their diet because of their “suffering.” After an appropriate amount of time, the best way to move forward is adjust the focus.
In the ebb and flow of life we can see the patterns of rejuvenation all around us, but forget to see it within ourselves. There is loss and tragedy in life, but there is also so much joy around us that we ignore when we are feeling down. Looking at the loss as a natural pattern of life, instead of a terrible fate inflicted upon us, can ease the stress of the situation. Just how the water of a river gracefully navigates its way down through the rocks, we can flow through life’s changes without getting pinned behind a boulder. The water does not make up a reason why the rocks are there, impeding on their joyful decline into the meadow. The water adjusts and moves to where it can flow again.
When you want to quit smoking, lose weight, get out of debt, find the love of your life or get healthier, you may tend to focus on the problem instead of the solution. This attention keeps you stuck because your mind assumes since you are thinking about it all the time, it must be what you want. My friend just told me of a woman that recently got pregnant after years of trying all types of fertility treatments that failed. How did it happen? She just gave up trying (or actually gave up the habit of thinking "I am not getting pregnant"), and she conceived easily and naturally. You hear these stories all the time.
Think of your life as a flowing river, traversing through the terrain of life events. Trying to change the past or examine why a certain event happened only keeps you stuck. Focusing on acceptance of change instead of resistance will propel you forward out of the muck. Just keep thinking that things will never get better, and that is what you’ll experience. You have a choice. You have control over how you perceive your life’s journey. Where do YOU choose to focus?
Peace in the Midst of an Unpeaceful World
By Debra Berndt, CHt
As we turn on the news, we cannot help but see the turmoil that surrounds the Middle East and the terror threats abound. Fear and frustration is all around us. The world has changed so much since 9/11. As we approach the five year anniversary of that day, I wanted to send some inspiration for peace within the midst of a challenging world.
For some, peace is not as important as being right. I have heard many sides to political battles and everyone seems to have a point. Why are we willing to kill each other over our beliefs? Each of us has a way of seeing the world like no one else. Our unique subconscious programming holds views based on a combination of personal beliefs, as well as input from the news, government officials and others. Humans fight because we never look a situation objectively, but through our own belief systems of right and wrong. At the same time, people with opposing ideas believe in their hearts that they are right. The disagreement starts in our minds and expresses itself outwardly in war, each side standing for an idea.
Feeling powerless in the midst of conflict is a natural reaction, so we compensate for our fear by fighting back. Resistance is natural, but not our only option. No matter what we encounter, whether it is a war, death of a loved one, a serious illness or even the end of a relationship, we all have felt helpless over an external circumstance. The real secret to peace is to surrender to the struggle and ask what we are doing to create the emotional unease. How are we judging the event or person as wrong or bad to generate unhappy feelings inside? Surrendering does not mean giving up in defeat, but to give up the fight to make a situation the way we think it should look like. There is a saying that what we resist, persists.
The real battle is within our own mind. Thoughts of frustration and impatience with an issue only cause physical unease in the body, and do nothing to change the external situation. I am not saying that we should just allow things to happen while we sit back and wave the white flag to them. I also do not condone staying in a situation that is harmful. When feeling unease, simply ask, “What is my mind telling me about this? Am I being clear about what is really going on?” Our minds tend to over-exaggerate everything, so this will help check in to see our inner voice is overreacting. Most of the time, our thoughts are the culprit of our unease more than any external situation. We are only upset over an idea in our minds.
If we can free our mind from going down a dark hole of misinterpretations, fear and despair, we no longer feel helpless. Listening to the silence between our thoughts, we access our own peaceful energy, our inner power. Realizing that within us is a vast continuum of peace, we can experience bliss everyday. Most of the time, unfortunately, we listen to the noise instead of the silence. Imagine if everyone in the world could quiet their noisy minds long enough to stop the fear, and find that space of unconditional love and freedom…just imagine.
Creating the Mind of a Non-Smoker
By Debra Berndt, CHt
With the smoking ban in effect on July 1st in Colorado, I am offering advice to those who want to quit the natural way. Smoking is not a chemical addiction, but a mental habit. The use of patches and gum can help, but the real way to overcome the urge to smoke is to gain control over your mind.
Hypnosis is an excellent way to kick the habit, but is only effective if the person has a strong desire to quit. First, the smoker should come up with a strong motivation to say goodbye to cigarettes. Write down a list of all the things they do not like about smoking strengthens the desire to become a non-smoker. Tobacco smoke contains over 4,000 chemicals, many of which are toxic to the body and some of which have been proven to cause cancer in humans. Some examples of these chemicals are DDT, Arsenic, Hydrogen cyanide (gas chamber poison), Methanol (rocket fuel), and Formaldehyde (embalming fluid)*.
Second, smokers should go back to memory of their very first cigarette and think about why they started. Most realize that they started to be cool, feel connected to a group or feel grown-up. The subconscious mind regenerates that feeling every time they have a smoke. Most say they do not even feel the effects of the nicotine, but the cigarette makes them feel good. The mind is simply remembering this old feeling.
Third, the smoker should make a list of all the times they smoke and come up with healthy alternatives to replace the cigarette. Most say that smoking relaxes them, but the nicotine actually stimulates the system, increasing the heart rate. The mind believes the cigarette is relaxing so the person has that experience. They can convince their mind anything relaxes them and find something healthier.
Fourth, they should set a quit date and stick to it. It only takes 48-72 hours for the nicotine to leave the system so using patches and gums only delays the exit of nicotine from their body. The mind will naturally focus on deprivation, so they should constantly redirect their thinking to the great benefits of being a non-smoker. Most people who fail to quit only focus on the loss of their "friend" and a belief they have an emotional weakness without their cigarette fix. This kind of thinking only leads them back to the habit. They do not realize that the power isn't in the cigarette at all, but within their own mind to create such a powerful story about what it means to them.
Hypnosis is a great tool to help quit the habit easily without strong withdrawals. A hypnotherapist uses the power of their client’s subconscious mind which controls habitual patterns to turn off the smoking switch. Most hypnotherapists also offer a self-hypnosis program to take home to flood the mind with positive thoughts on being a non-smoker. Hypnosis is not sleep. The trance state is a natural state of mind experienced by everyone when they daydream, read, watch television or listen to music. The altered state is experienced when the critical mind (chatterbox) is relaxed so that new ideas can penetrate the subconscious.
All habits are controlled by the subconscious and the nicotine has no intrinsic power over the mind. Creating the mind of a non-smoker is all that is needed to shift behavior.
*based on report by Health EDCO, a division of WRB Group, Ltd.
What is Your Story?
By Debra Berndt, CHt
I hear many stories throughout the day. My clients tell me stories of their childhood, recent break-up, new love interest, or the latest tragedy in their lives. We are surrounded by gossip and tales from our family, friends and even the media. The stories we share are simply an opinion based on past subconscious programs, but usually perceived as conclusive fact. If we are not careful, they will define us. Describing ourselves through a life situation or by what others think about us can become a dangerous trap that we cannot escape.
Our stories also describe how we see ourselves by social status or occupation. We even make statements about our physical or emotional conditions such as “I am a cancer survivor,” “I am depressed” “I am shy,” or “I am fat.” When we limit ourselves by our stories, we do not have the freedom to be anything else.
In order to find our true selves, we have to look beyond our story. Stating that we are married, single or childless is a temporary condition because our title changes throughout our life. One day I drove to work as a Marketing Director and two hours later, I found myself laid off and my title vanished. These temporary life situations can never define us. We look in the mirror and see who we think we are, identifying the person in the reflection as “me.” When we were five, we saw a different reflection and we did not have the same stories. So, who are we?
After a while, our stories become like a rerun of Gilligan’s Island. The castaways almost get rescued in every episode, but something happens and they continue to be stuck on that darn island. How can we escape the old storyline of our lives? A person can choose to remain in their victim stories and attract more of the same experiences into their life, or they can let go of the past and create a new future for themselves. Imagine refraining from giving that old part of you fuel and start living into something new every day. You may not have your parents or ex-husband to blame anymore, but you can be free to create whatever life you choose.
When bad things happen, there are some who continue to tell their story to get pity, attract attention or to feel special. There are others who try to justify so-called negative experiences by saying that “everything happens for a reason,” just creating another story! All situations in life are temporary and will change. The only constant in life is the energy inside that nothing outside can change or take away. In hypnotherapy sessions, I help the client distinguish their stories (or subconscious patterning) from their true, unlimited selves. Once exposed to new possibilities, they avoid being boxed in to a predictable future that looks just like the past.
The lovable castaways eventually get rescued and they have a reunion television special. Sadly, they end up back on the island never really escaping their old story. To avoid a similar fate, stop yourself from telling old stories and live in the moment. You have the power to turn-off the reruns of your life. They are never as good the second time around anyway.
What Are You Afraid Of?
By Debra Berndt, CHt
When facing any life situation that makes us unhappy, upset or angry, the typical response is to blame the person or event for our bad feelings. Underneath all of these reactions, there is an element of fear that drives our behavior. Most of time, we do not realize that the origin of the upset lies within us.
Imagine being late for an appointment. You rush onto the highway only to discover that the traffic is at a halt. The frustration builds inside, but why? You cannot do anything about it, you are stuck. Your mind is racing, “Now I am going to be really late!” You squirm in your seat and lean forward as if that might move the traffic faster. Getting angry at the city planners and all the cars on the road, you look for someone to blame. Instead of giving into this reaction, you could become present to your emotions and ask yourself “What am I afraid of?” Contemplating the consequences of the lateness that someone will be angry, you will lose a client or your job are sound justifications for your frustration. The problem is the future event has not occurred yet, and you are reacting as if the worse case scenario is unfolding in the present.
All knee-jerk reactions like this are based on fear. You are not really afraid of the other person or their reaction to your lateness, underneath it all is something deeper. In primitive times, a bad decision could have resulted in death and our primitive mind takes over in times of fear. Remember a time when you were late for an appointment. What were you really afraid of? Failure? Being alone or left out? Losing money? Not being liked? Once you identify the thought that is driving the behavior, you can look for evidence to disprove its legitimacy. If you do not get an account, does it really mean you are a failure? What if your friend is mad that you are late, do you think they will hold a grudge forever? Dismantling the fearful thoughts brings you more power.
Examining our thoughts, we realize that they are all exaggerated. We create horror stories about how bad things will be, as well as triumphant stories how good things can be in the future. Not only does our mind play this prediction game, it also embellishes past memories in this way. The fear is really just an overstatement of the fabricated lies we tell ourselves all day long.
Listening to this illogical rational from our subconscious, no wonder we can get stuck in patterns of fear and never get what we want out of life. When we push ourselves beyond our comfort zone, often the fear takes over to “keep us safe.” Very seldom do we analyze our reactions to see if they are valid. The desire to be thinner, wealthier, more successful or in a loving romantic relationship is not enough. When sabotaging our efforts with procrastination, avoidance or excuses, we need to ask ourselves, “What are we really afraid of?” To overcome the fear, compare the impact of remaining in the status quo to facing the risk of moving forward. A shift in thinking to focus on a strong case for change is kryptonite to the fear, lessening its power and dissolving it completely. When we realize there is nothing to fear, it is that fearless state of mind that gives us freedom to create joy and peace in our lives.
Weight Loss Woes – Is it Men, Menopause or Just Mental?
By Debra Berndt, CHt
Jane weighed herself this morning again and gained two more pounds. All day yesterday she mentally punished herself and vowed to get back in shape. After eating healthy all day, she stood in front of her refrigerator at 10:00 p.m. taking spoonful after spoonful of ice cream until it was gone. She felt terrible afterward and wondered why she ate the ice cream. No matter how strong the desire is to lose weight, we all do things that are not in alignment to our goals. Deciding to eat right and exercise is the first step, but there are those funny little internal conversations that talk us out of our good intentions. We start again tomorrow, next week or next month and our goal date keeps moving down the calendar to never. The excuses range from hormonal changes, a busy schedule, or stressful life events. These stories are very convincing because we want to believe them, looking for ways to get “off the hook” and dig into the pie. For you it may not be about losing weight or eating ice cream. Your competing intentions show up in skipping a workout, having a cigarette or flirting with the office playboy. Fact is, most of us face this struggle in some way.
Some of my clients tell me they have an angel and a devil on each shoulder. Although it may seem funny to you, imagine that they are both are angels. Both want you to be happy (even the one who tells you how good that ice cream will taste). Why does this part of you always seem to sidetrack your efforts? This inner-saboteur is operating out of a hidden benefit to keeping the weight ON. The subconscious has a file system of all of your life experiences. You have a file that contains all the stories you made up about being thin, consciously and unconsciously. Some of these stories may not make logical sense, but the subconscious stores information literally. The subconscious automatically looks at this file when you try to lose weight to predict what might occur. It may determine that the best outcome is to distract you from the diet, based on your past experience of thinness.
The part of us that sidetracks our progress is actually doing a good job of making us happy in the short-term, but most of us do not know what drives that sabotaging behavior. Think about the last time you were at your goal weight. A very common answer is they were thin when they attracted the ex-husband who ultimately left them for another woman and broke their heart. Some got sick when they were thin, someone died or they received the wrong kind of attention from men. The subconscious literally interprets this as bad things happen to thin people. If you look at it from the subconscious perspective, you see that it is only protecting you. It equates bad experiences to thinness. Your inner mind believes you are going to be safer if you do not lose the weight. There is also the benefit of just being happier eating anything we want, regardless of what the scale says. There is a part of us that wants to protect us from failure. Why not abandon our efforts early on, instead of getting our hopes up after losing 20 pounds? As we look deeper inside ourselves we discover that these reasons may or may not make sense, but control our experience.
To get your subconscious programming aligned with your conscious desires, become mindful of those internal conversations. Instead of letting the mind chatter on autopilot and driving your behavior, take responsibility for those thoughts and manage them. A good exercise is to write a list down of all the benefits you get from staying the same weight. This may be hard at first, but you will be amazed at what emerges. Get some insight and come up with some other ways to feed those needs and lose the weight. If the problem is fear of dating and intimacy, work on those issues in conjunction with your weight loss program. The underlying concerns that are not addressed will be the reasons you abandon the workout routine or fail in keeping the weight off for long periods of time. Weight is easy to manage once you remove the core issues beneath the surface.
Whether it is men, menopause or just mental, you can reprogram those old patterns of thought by building a stronger reason to reach your goals. Make a list of the ways that your life will change if you reach your ideal weight and mentally place them into your “being thin” file. Read the list and imagine yourself at your goal weight every day. Hang up a dress that you would like to fit into again in the front of your closet. Another great way to train the mind to be your inner cheerleader is to listen to self-hypnosis programs daily. Flood your mind with positive suggestions to override those excuses. Once the subconscious believes that there are good benefits to being thin, it cannot help but support you to create the body of your dreams.
What About Now?
By Debra Berndt, CHt
March is here and we are all ready to break away from the winter doldrums. Thinking about the warm season to come, we anticipate the lazy days of summer that seem too far off yet. During this in-between time, after all the holidays and before the first bloom of Spring, we may feel anxious for newness and change. In an effort to pick up our spirits, we start planning our summer vacation and wonder if we will lose those extra ten pounds before the shorts season is upon us. We never quite celebrate now.
I have been challenged myself with looking too far into the future, wishing events in my life would come sooner. I want to find an agent for my book, get more media exposure and expand my business. Letting the week go by, I look forward to the weekend with my love. Impatience causes anxiety, stress and tension in life. The solution to this madness is to stop looking for peace everywhere but now.
When we are single, we yearn to find love. After Mr. or Mrs. Right appears, we wish for the proposal, and then on to plan the wedding. After the babies arrive, some of us may find ourselves wishing we were single again! The “what’s next” mentality started when we were kids as we proudly added the words “and a half” after our age. We could not wait to grow up and never really appreciated our innocence until it was gone.
We are rarely satisfied even when we get what we think we want. Most of us are actually happier in the days leading up to a vacation compared to the last day of the trip. We may feel depressed on the flight home, instead of relaxed and rejuvenated. Two weeks of vacation goes so fast, and the dreadful fifty weeks in between seem to drag on forever. Is this constant craving a way to live?
I remember when I was younger and thought if I got my salary up to a certain point, then I would feel financially secure. Always disappointed when I got there, I then required just ten thousand more a year. The price tag of happiness always seemed to increase, despite the amount of my income.
The same dissatisfaction applies to our bodies. How often do we think that if we just lost that extra ten pounds, we would feel really attractive? So many of my clients say they look back at old photos when they thought they were fat and thought, “you know, I did not look so bad back then. I would give anything to be that size again.” We are never satisfied with how we look and waste years loathing our body, instead of cherishing our youth.
The foundation of this urge for the future is the belief that nothing is ever enough. Our thoughts may convince us this drive serves a positive purpose to improve ourselves and advance in life. The drawback of forward thinking is that it prevents us from celebrating our successes here and now.
Each time we hear that voice saying it could be better, we can stop ourselves and declare that everything is exactly as it should be right now. As we let go of the carrot dangling in
front of us that will never be reached, we can celebrate the one pound lost this week or the hug from a child today. Experience a sense of relief inside knowing that there is no where to go and nothing to do. If we live richly each day in the moment, we will never have to look back at the end of life’s journey with regret.
How Do I Find Love?
By Debra Berndt, CHt
Many people know that they should love themselves to find greater peace but do not know how to attain that state. As children we learned to seek love, comfort and support from our parents or caregivers. Our minds have been conditioned that we would feel much better if someone “out there” would just hold us. Beneath all of our earthly desires is simply the yearning to feel peace.
As adults, we look for love in other people, social status and material things. Some feel so despondent that they give up and settle for second best, like a cheeseburger, glass of wine or the guy at the end of the bar who does not look that bad. After indulging in temporary fixes, we get more depressed because they still do not satisfy us. I used to think that when I met “the one,” he would solve all of my problems and I would finally be happy. This led to an endless cycle of heartbreak after heartbreak, feeling less desirable, until I decided to stop looking out in the world and began my internal search for love.
During the past few years, I created a successful hypnotherapy practice, bought a new home, have great friends, good health and a loving man in my life. It would seem as though I should be happy with all these things, but I know that it all could all be gone in an instant. No matter what I can create with my mind to attract into my life, I still have no control over events or the actions of others. The thought that “this will make me happy” or “that will make me sad” is what causes the suffering in our minds, not the actual person or life condition that we placed so much importance. Even after we get what we think we want, we still have the fear of losing of them. The key to peace is not what we get out of life, but the ideas that we are willing to let go of to find love.
The thoughts in our subconscious mind convince us to believe that love is only in certain places, things and circumstances. We get depressed because our minds tell us that our life should be different. We should be married, happily in love or getting that promotion. True inner peace is always inside, regardless of external situations. By becoming present to our thinking and actively choosing our thoughts, we stop those old subconscious tapes from running on autopilot that tell us otherwise. The real challenge is that we are living in a world where everyone collectively believes in external gratification, so it is easy to fall back into old patterns. There will be times when we believe our thoughts and the ideas of the world, and other times when we manage to break free and experience inner peace.
You can access the power right inside of you to change your world by simply changing your mind. When you consciously decide that love is always present, then love is easy to find.
Creating the Body You Love
By Debra Berndt, CHt
When starting a regular fitness regimen, we focus so much energy on the outer body that we forget to take care of our inner world. We look in the mirror or at the scale and mentally punish ourselves for not being good enough. Continuously thinking we are fat or unattractive only reinforces that reality. Words, whether spoken or thought, fuel the energy that forms our bodies, attitude and life.
Imagine a tapestry interwoven with high-quality silk compared to one that is made with low-standard yarn. Anyone can see the difference in the beauty of the textile made with superior materials. Considering each strand as a self-thought, envision the threads that say “I am beautiful,” compared to the strings that say “I am ugly and fat.” If lesser strands of thought are used to create our life’s tapestry, we avoid workouts and cheat on our diets. The result is ultimately weaving the fabric of a body that we treat poorly and dislike.
Our subconscious mind operates in repetitive patterns. We experience each day with a similar routine. We get dressed, brush our teeth and drive to work with our minds practically on autopilot. Just as our physical reality operates in patterns, so does our thinking. Over two-thirds of our daily mind chatter consists of the same thoughts as the day before. These recurring thoughts come from our subconscious mind. The challenge is to begin feeling self-love when the old habit is the reverse. Just like getting back into a workout schedule, we have to consciously talk ourselves into waking up an hour early so we can get to the gym. Since our subconscious influences our experience, our conscious mind has to intervene and alter the embedded behavior until it becomes our new way of being.
To program success and motivation, put an index card next to the alarm clock that says, “Every day in every way, I am getting thinner and fitter,” “I am worth it,” or any other phrase that feels right. Since we are still in a light trance when we first awake, this idea will easily enter the subconscious mind. After a few weeks in a new routine, the mind will automatically repeat the inspirational ideas. Too often, our self-talk convinces us to stay in bed and make bad food choices, and we give up. Thoughts precede any action and our thoughts and self-talk are the real culprit for failed fitness goals. Waking up every day saying, “I am never going to lose weight,” is exactly what will happen. Starting the day with enthusiasm ensures that we stay on track, and a body we love will emerge.
In addition to cutting back on fatty foods, consider going on a low-negativity diet. Just like tracking points or reducing calories, cut back on your destructive opinions throughout the day. When experiencing a self-defeating idea, immediately say “cancel,” and replace it with a constructive alternative. Ideas that represent your low self-image are the blocks that keep you stuck in a rollercoaster weight pattern. When you lose weight without changing the internal dialogue, your discouraging thoughts will ultimately drive you back to sabotaging actions. You cannot be thin and beautiful on the outside, if you hold an inner belief that you are ugly and worthless. Most dieters say they lack willpower, but their will (or thought) is powerfully directed toward failure instead of success. Another helpful exercise is to visualize your goal weight or shape every day. Holding this image in your mind is like placing a carrot for the subconscious to drive toward as it supports your healthy living program.
Building a loving relationship within is a powerful component to your fitness regimen. Remember that nurturing beliefs naturally support healthier actions. As your attitude changes, you will see all areas of your life transform. By weaving encouraging thoughts into your day, you create the tapestry of a beautiful you inside and out.
Finding Joy and Peace During the Holiday Season
By Debra Berndt, CHt
The holidays often bring up a variety of emotions. The expectation that we should be feeling jolly and grateful throughout the season can create a tremendous amount of pressure. Uncomfortable emotions such as stress or loneliness can have us seeking external ways “fix it.” We look for joy in people, things, food, and drink. This kind of joy is temporary, and unreal, since it is dependent on something outside of us.
Humans tend to consistently tell themselves stories that impact their sense of happiness or self-worth. For example, if you believe a certain family member is critical, everything that person says will be interpreted as criticism. A simple comment can trigger the thought, “I will never get her approval. Nothing I do is good enough.” Often the response to the thought is to become unhappy or angry and may ruin your family visit. At that point, many people will mask the uncomfortable feelings with overindulgence of food and drink. It is the mind’s attempt to regain control in the face of unpleasant emotions. Just like a rebellious child, our emotional side fights back with self-punishment or escape. And the cherry on top of this stinky sundae, we like to blame everyone else for making us feel that way.
No one can put feelings inside someone else. Every person is the originator of their thoughts and emotions. Humans rarely look at something or someone in their lives objectively, without judgment. The realization that it isn’t the person that is making you happy, or unhappy, but your thought that they are, restores your inner power. Other people’s actions cease to have an effect on you.
The easiest way to have joy and peace during the holidays is to let go of the attachment to whether something is good or bad. One Christmas Eve, I was stuck at Dallas Airport for eight hours. I missed my family’s Christmas Eve dinner, and was stranded in an airport. After hearing the announcement of the delay, I was instantly angry, frustrated and upset. My heart started racing. I started to feel sorry for myself because I was single and traveling alone on Christmas Eve. I stopped my rambling thoughts for a moment and became present. I made a conscious decision to shift my perspective and accept the situation. My thoughts weren’t going to change the departure time, or the fact that I was single and alone. I decided I could spend eight hours in anger, or eight hours in peace. I watched the people, witnessed their boredom and frustration and felt removed from mine. I went into a restaurant and sat next to a man at the bar who was also experiencing a long delay. We had an amazing conversation. He was very depressed, going through a divorce and wondering where his life was leading. Our discussion brought him to a calmer emotional state. I felt blessed that I was there for him. We could have spent a few hours complaining about the weather and the airlines. Instead, we had a conversation about life and true joy. At first, I did not know how the eight hours would turn out. My mind quickly made a false assumption of how I “should be upset” that I could have easily lived into. Instead of trying to fix it, I approached the situation from a clean slate of peace and was able to create my own experience.
As you go through the holiday season, your mind will be constantly making assessments of what is right and wrong. Be present with your thoughts. There is a space between the mind chatter that is silent and peaceful, where joy lives. Joy is not found in the gifts, eggnog, desserts or holiday turkey. Nothing outside of you brings the silence, it is a natural state within.
Experience the holiday shopping crowds, the travel, family interactions with a feeling of acceptance and non-attachment. See beyond the words and actions of others and find beneath it all a sense of unity and love. The best holiday gift is not wrapped in a box, but in your present state of mind.
The Law of Attraction: Adjusting Your Internal Magnet
By Debra Berndt, CHt
Featured in Fitness Lifestyles Magazine - September, 2005
The circumstances in our lives seem to happen by chance. We blame bad luck on others and good luck on random fate. The Law of Attraction states that our life experience is a direct result of our thinking. In order to change those ideas to attract what we want, we must first be aware of the difference between the conscious and subconscious mind.
Imagine the conscious mind as a driver and the subconscious as a car. The driver of the car cannot go anywhere without the support of the engine, wheels and fuel. When a car breaks down, we look under the hood to see what needs to be fixed. If our lives are not working, we should look within for a block in our subconscious. When we arrive at an unplanned destination, it is like being asleep at the wheel as the subconscious operates on autopilot. The best way to stay in control of our lives is to stay conscious of our choices and our thoughts every day.
The subconscious is a giant database of all of our experiences and memories since conception. It holds the information on how to walk and talk, as well as beliefs that fire is hot and ice cream tastes good. This database contains all of our memories, habits, emotional responses, and opinions about our selves and others. All life events are neutral. We give meaning to the events that ultimately shape our experience. We formed basic beliefs early on that are reinforced throughout life. All humans have a unique blueprint in their subconscious. Just like a magnet, our individual blueprint attracts everything we experience.
As our mind begins to mature around eight years old, we form the critical mind to help filter out what we believe and do not believe. The critical mind serves as a gatekeeper between the conscious and subconscious mind. This is the chatterbox we hear all day long. These chattering thoughts judge and analyze our world, as it feeds past ideas from the subconscious up to our conscious mind. The gateway also prevents new ideas from entering the subconscious if they are incompatible with the established belief system.
Have you ever known a woman with low self-esteem when it comes to dating? She may be attractive and intelligent, but her subconscious may be running a program that she is not wanted. This false inner belief acts like a magnet, attracting suitors that reinforce that idea. She will be drawn to men that treat her poorly, and reject nicer men that pursue her. She may not realize why she repeats the same pattern, because it lies beneath her conscious awareness. She could have decided that she was not wanted when she was picked last on the kickball team in first grade or even as early as conception when the pregnancy was not planned. An emotional experience created the initial program, “I am not wanted,” and subsequent events reinforced the idea throughout her life. Unless she uncovers and alters this program, the same circumstances will be drawn to her in the future.
The altered state or trance relaxes the chatter mind, so that subconscious patterns can be reprogrammed in alignment with your conscious will. This experience is similar to watching television or listening to music. Affirmations are typically not effective because the critical mind is constantly rejecting new ideas. You can change subconscious programming by using self-hypnosis audio programs, or simply by focusing on positive ideas as you drift off to slumber every night. For faster results, you can seek the help of a Certified Hypnotherapist to uncover the blocks and reprogram the subconscious for success in any area of your life.
Your life has been fueled by the quality of thoughts held in the subconscious. As you adjust inner programming, the things you want in life are naturally attracted to you. Change your internal magnet to thoughts of abundance, self-love and joy, and you will experience the world in a new way.
(c) Copyright 2003-2008. All Rights Reserved. Deb B Productions, LLC
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Copyright 2008. Deb B Productions, LLC. All Rights Reserved.